Its been a very intense day, with Facebook timelines and
whatsapp statuses of my friends and dear ones, filled with wishes for their
mothers and other random mother’s day messages. I have never really thought
much about mother’s day or such specific days as such. Birthdays always were
important and to an extent days like Wedding anniversaries of some people
including my parents and brother’s. But, in the situation that we find
ourselves in, I feel that it is indeed good to celebrate this day wherein we
celebrate that one woman who makes all the difference in a family. The mother!
I woke up in the morning and checked my Facebook and
Whatsapp as is the norm these days in the digital and social media era. My
facebook timeline had a tagged post from my brother, as he took the time (which
is ahead of our time, with him being in New Zealand) to upload a photo collage
of our mother with both of us separately and a hearty Mother’s day wish to go
with it. Initially, I did not think too much of it but when I saw how happy she
was seeing it and the likes and comments that came with it, just made her day I
guess. Yes, she is a Facebook savvy mother and is constantly checking her
timeline and other FB posts. So, I wanted to post something too. The thought
just kept churning in my head for the past 12 hours and the after the lengthy procrastination,
I decided to write about what I know of her and what she means to me.
Let’s talk about memories. To be honest, I do not have too
much of memories residing inside my head of my childhood, probably because of
all the medication that I have had for the best part of my life. I don’t know
if it is a good thing or a bad thing because I have only flashes of what amma
(mother) was to me when I was a kid. Almost everything that I know about her during
those days has been from what I have heard from others and whatever I know of,
from my childhood has been through the timeless stories of my exploits told by
her in loop, whenever she could. Whatever I remember of my childhood has been
mostly with brother and dad as Amma was working outside Trivandrum. She was a
Botany teacher and was on transfer. One distinct memory or rather a reflection
of her has been two poems that I can still recite. She supposedly used to sing
them to as lullabies. The two poems, stanzas from which are still fresh in my
mind, were “Mambazham” (first 4 lines clearly remembered, Not sure if she used
to sing the whole poem) by Vyloppilli Sreedhara Menon and “Lokame yaathra” (a
paragraph referring to Ceasar, Solomon and Homer clearly etched in memory.
Again, not sure if she sang the whole poem as it seems to be a very long one) by
Sister Mary Banenja. Having listened to a complex mix of emotional outburst and
chivalrous references through my lullabies, I probably was not going to grow up
as a very normal kid for sure :D.
Stories of her struggles in life have been heard so many
times through self-remembrances by her during certain emotional moments and
through sharing the experiences with others in conversations. But one thing I can
say for sure that it never ceases to amaze and inspire me as to how a woman
could single handedly fight the huge odds stacked against her and do whatever
she has done in more than 70 years of her life. I will try and share a few
stories which have really stuck to my heart till now. One story that I have
heard a lot and which keep making me wonder as to how life has rewarded her for
her hard work and persistence. Amma
wanted to see new places as a kid and when her school was going on a one day
trip to Peechi, Trichur, she was anxious to go. But, the amount of 3Rs for the
tour was literally impossible for her financially struggling family to bear. Interestingly,
even in a period of casteism, her friends were from higher caste and affluent
families. She keeps remembering how one of her friends paid the money and she
went for the tour. The highlight of the story is when she says how she was
lucky enough to be in a job years from that time, wherein she was able to go on
plant collections and college tours as a botany lecturer absolutely free of
cost. There is a very strong tale of rigorous hard work and fierce
determination that brought her to the coveted post of being the lecturer in
University College. In a period with no internet, she used to spend hours after
college hours in the library studying during her post-graduation days. If that
was hard work, her family life that happened was no less of an adventure in
itself. Both me and my brother struggled with physical issues as kids and with
an age difference of 8 years, she seldom got much respite for a period of
almost 15 years attending to our health issues.
Like I said, I do not remember too much what she has done
for me due to my mind which is completely messed up inside but I can easily
understand what it must have felt to handle what she has managed for a whole 15
years or more with respect to our medical emergencies. I remember a story of
how I had a medical situation one day and amma and achan rushed to the
government hospital (our family was not in a financial position to afford
private hospitals at that time) and how the staff refused to open the doors
first as it was past the admission time and then refused to give a bed as there
was none available. It seems that she literally argued with the nurses strongly
so that I will not have to lie on the ground with a high fever. During those
numerous days of high fever, she would call me up from my sleep so that I can have
my medicines on a 4 hour interval and rubbed me with a wet cloth to bring my
temperature down. All this is being done even when she has to get up early
morning, prepare food for all of us and leave for college before 8. She used to
walk to University College from Bakery Junction to save on money. Even with all
my medical issues, I was nowhere near to being an obedient and silent kid. My
mom’s friends still speak about the naughty boy always up to something. I used
to get thrashed violently by dad for all my creative mischiefs and amma was
literally my first line of defence. She always used to jump in between achan
and me to try and save me from being flogged brutally. Not that I did not
deserve to be given a beating for all that I did, but imagine when you
literally walked out of home as a primary school kid unable to take the beating
anymore. That is how bad it was and even though achan made up for it later when
he calmed down, amma was always there to try and protect me. Protection was
mutual also. Another of amma’s stories involving me is about how I literally
behaved like her bodyguard when I was a kid. She says that I used to walk
observing everybody around and would stare back at people looking at amma and
ask her why somebody is looking at her. Unfortunately, she also had to be at
the receiving end for my anger at times. My anger was not very conscious most
of the times as my nerves were literally all over the place sometimes and I
guess my friends would say that it hasn’t changed much even now lol. Anyway,
she has had to put up with all that I did in fits of anger but it is a
testament to her love for her kids and how she understood why I behaved the way
I did, that she calmed me down and made something for me to eat at the end of
the ordeal. Oh yes, she makes the best food of all. I am sure most of my friends
would vouch for it too. So many of my friends were fortunate to have food, from
her hands. There is always a lot of love in her cooking. Her cooking expertise is phenomenal but not in
terms of sheer quality of food but for the way she manages the time in kitchen
and prepares well before she has to get on with her life as a teacher. I
remember that our house always had people staying over. This was more so
because Trivandrum had the only airport back then. Since, we were from Trichur
which had a large number of people working in the Middle East; we always had
guests who came to board the plane from Trivandrum. The interesting part is
that they came with their relatives almost all the time as it was an
opportunity for them to see the capital city too. Amma used to get quite early
by 4am or so and make food for all of them which included lunch too and then
left for college on time. The evenings were equally busy with cooking and
through all this; she had to prepare for her classes the next day, after
everyone retires for the night. I can literally understand the pressure she
must have been in when I think about it now. As I said, I was not an exactly
easy kid to manage too. I used to get pissed off because the only bedroom will
be occupied by the guests I have even had to sleep on the ground near the main
door sometimes. But, I don’t remember her complaining ever or showing a dejected
look. Maybe she felt so in private but always careful to put up a smile in
front of all of them. My first example of living for others and making sure
that everybody around us smiled as much as possible even if it meant we cried
inside, came from my mom and dad.
Even to this day, she still puts in an effort to reach out
to her friends and others and tries her best to make sure that the two males in
the house (me and achan) are fed satisfactorily daily. It is not like she was a
woman who was denied her rights but she always put the happiness of her family
before her own self. Now, she has been on insulin for more than 25 years and
has a condition where her hands shake at times. She still loves to pour out tea
or make food with those shaking hands. Most of our utensils at home have some
sort of damage after having fallen from her hands. But, I guess it is a rather
small price to pay for the tenacity she has shown all these years to make sure
that her family is happy. My brother has been abroad for more than 15 years now
and my nephew is a teenager. It is quite interesting to note that we have video
calls once or twice in a day on a daily basis and I am sure she is quite proud
of the fact that both her sons share an excellent rapport where there is
absolute transparency and pure love for their parents. Even now, when my
brother starts yawning during a video call (he is 47 lol), amma becomes anxious
and asks him to go and sleep. For her, we are still kids and always tells me to
order something for myself during this lockdown. Technically, I might not have
been the ideal son, but I try to do whatever I can in the best possible manner
for this woman who taught me one too many things about life.
To start with, I think my whole persona of being comfortable
with women and respecting them, started with amma's interactions with me. I don’t remember
what she told me or how she did it but I grew up to be a man who has never
raised his voice or hand against a woman till date. I do get angry but somehow
I always think about amma when I am about to lose my cool to any woman. She has
been a person who has always tried to be content with what she has. For all
that she has been through; she has never really demanded anything for herself. I
am pretty sure that would happily sacrifice her meal to ensure that her kids
are fed well. I think it has happened during our younger days too, at least
during the time of my brother when there was a huge influx of resident guests
at home. At this point, I do not really know if I have ever been able to tell
her how much she has influenced me as a person and inspired me as a teacher. Today,
when I go out to teach soft skills or photography, I keep her in mind as my
guru. I have been fortunate to see her taking classes as she used to take me
with her to college during my holidays. A dedicated teacher she was and I am
sure her colleagues and students who read this will second me on that. As a
botany teacher, she still feels amazed when she sees a flower or plant and
constantly tries to find the name of a plant if she has forgotten it somehow.
There is the famous story of her which we keep bringing up. When my brother
sent a photo of my nephew from New Zealand, amma took one look at the picture
and exclaimed in full excitement, “Begonia”. Well, my nephew was standing in
front of a huge garden of Begonias and amma literally did not see him first.
That is her love for plants even to this day. She keeps referring to the plants
at my home like her own family and feels sad when they are withering in the
heat. Irrespective of how tired she is, she drags the hose and waters the
plants on a daily basis and is quick to notice any changes in them too. We even
have a joke about her fascination with plants. It is said that if you ask amma
the direction to somebody’s house, she is probably going to mention it by
giving the scientific name of a plant that grows in the compound. So, it will
be like, “The house which has the asparagus growing along the walls” or
something like that. Well, the person who asked would have to identify the
plant first. Now, I guess she invented such challenges even before facebook did
lol
I guess I wrote quite a lot. As a writer, I think my writing
might not be perfect because I just kept writing without really looking into
the structure or grammar in the content. Well, this is what came from my mind
in a flow and editing them would be like shaping the trunk of a tree. This is
natural and written as it came to me. Amma, I would like to add that I was
never an expressive kid as brother. I know he always used to lie on your lap or
be very attached to you on many level. But you have seen me all these 38 years
and this is what I have always been. But that does not mean, I have any less
love or respect for you than he has. Infact, I find myself imbibing a lot of
your qualities including the love for seeing new places and respect and
admiration for nature and a passion for teaching. I know that you and achan
could have decided against having me after such a long gap since chaettans
birth. You took the chance and was presented with one of the most toughest
project you might have ever handled in life. Thank you for making me what I am
today. I have never believed that success is in money or position but if I have
reached some position of dignity in your mind, I feel myself as a successful
person. I would not want to replace you as mother in any other birth too (even
though you keep saying that you do not want to be born again). I probably could
never say this in person but I owe a lot to you as a person, as a woman and as
a mother. You are the best mother I could have asked for and thanks a lot for
putting up with all through these years. I apologise that I probably did not
reach up to the level I could have but I am happy with where I am. It is true
that I could not complete that one dream of you in seeing me get married. I am
not sure if I can fulfill that this life time. But hopefully, someday soon,
someone will come along and accept this misfit of your son into her life.
Afterall, I hope the woman can see the goodness in a man raised by a fine
example of womanhood. Thank you for being my mother.
Love, Kochumon
No comments:
Post a Comment